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We know we make fun of ESPN's Page 2 a lot, and if you've ever tried to make it through five sentences of Pumps Dress Dark Strap Stiletto Closed Ladies Toe Blue ARDOR Ankle D'Orsay Kitten JENN Heel Pointed Women's PTOI6q17," you'll understand why. But when we thought that SI.com's Scorecard Daily was the worst Page 2 ripoff that could exist, we were way, way wrong.

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There Are Fake People On Page 2, And They're In College

Uh, we're just going to go under the assumption that Jim Caple's "serialized…

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We regretfully introduce you to CBS Sportsline's "Spin On Sports," which is what Page 2 would be if Page 2 were torn apart by wolves and reconstructed by Corky from "Life Goes On." It's a desperate, kind of sad attempt to be "cool;" you know, hit the sports fan who, you know, like, knows about Coldplay and stuff.

It pretty much hits all the bases. Gratuitious exclamation points? Check. Jokes about Tom Cruise? Check. Frightening animatronic Shanoff-esque head with eyes that move around the page? Check. Attempt to make dopey fantasy columnist "hip" by giving him a mugshot with a backwards hat and calling him "E-Mack?" Check check check. (E-Mack actually reminds us so much of Homer Simpson's Poochie character on "Itchy and Scratchy" that Matt Groening should sue.)

Remember after "grunge" hit, and all of a sudden newspapers were convinced they could be cool by making references to flannel? That's what this feels like, if infinitely, massively dorkier. But hey: Spin On Sports is out of control, yo!

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"Spin On Sports" [CBS Sportsline]